Sometimes Things Don't Go As Planned. It's Called Life.

It's been far too long. After competition things didn't go quite as planned. The first couple of weeks were fine. I went to Ottawa to see one of my best friends. I enjoyed some food while still working out and eating most things in moderation. Right on track, right? Well, life happened.

Shortly after my return to Fredericton, I started to not feel quite right. I ignored it for a while and with it I ignored myself. I eventually ended up going to the hospital where I was given medication and an IV with no real explanation with what exactly I had or was experiencing. They referred to it as mono without all the symptoms (whatever that means aka they weren't sure what was going on). Within a few days I was feeling better but unfortunately I never really got back to myself until the middle/end of July. It's been over a week now where I am physically feeling a lot better. There was always an itch in my throat that never quite went away until now. It also caused my taste buds to not be normal. Foods I had loved I wasn't enjoying anymore which had me in an unsatisfied mental state where I was continually looking for delicious foods without any luck. Thank goodness that's back to normal. It means I can finally eat something and enjoy it and not be on the search for satisfaction. When my taste buds weren't working properly I noticed myself on mini binge sessions (not a pretty site for an ex binge eater like myself). I knew what was happening and chose not to stop it since I just wanted something (ANYTHING) to taste good/right again to me.

In this time, I also lost one of the most important people in my life - my nanny. She was 95 and it was unexpected. My heart broke that day and I honestly think it will never fully be whole again. Obviously, I knew this day would come and I know how lucky I am to have had her in my life for as long as I have (I was 30 when she passed away...almost 31) but it doesn't make it any easier at all. In some ways, I think it may have made it harder. I struggled and continue to struggle with death especially hers. I bottled a lot of it up inside following her death but within the last week or so I have reached out to friends to continue to talk with and help me through this part of life. Grieving is not easy. I'm just trying to deal with it one day at a time.

Through all of this, I continued to get my workouts in however my nutrition was all over the map (except for my water intake). It's definitely NOT how I wanted my post show to go. I've definitely learned from it and am continually learning more about myself which is what this process and journey is all about. On top of it all, I may have even experienced some post show blues. Show day is absolutely amazing. I cannot compare it to anything. And then it's all over. Done. And you're left thinking, now what? My initial goal was to just compete. I just wanted to do one show. Having said that, I absolutely loved the process and decided to do at least one more show. I placed last so I definitely have a lot of improving to do and I absolutely love working towards goals and just continuing to better myself. Of course, there are other goals I could have chose but this sport has set a fire in me that I just cannot ignore. It's not for everyone but I can tell you that it is for me (for now, anyway).

This last week, I have finally started to get my nutrition under control again. I've actually decided to train myself this off season by making my own workouts and my own nutrition plans based on my upcoming goals (you better believe that I will be competing again. I'm hoping for another show next year). I'm pretty excited to be working with myself and to see what I can do. OH! Did I mention I started working at the YMCA (since funding ran dry at my other job - yet another change I had to experience)! I'm so excited especially since I am studying to be certified to teach group classes and (hopefully) eventually become a personal trainer. Through my Beachbody experience, I really realized that something I love is to help people reach their goals so a personal trainer job just feels right for me. I figure I will be using myself as a guinea pig to start out with and maybe a few friends of mine too. ;) So even though things haven't went as planned these last few months it doesn't mean the rest of the year can be a whole write off. I'm back with a fire in my belly that nothing and no one can put out. Remember to always DO YOU and what YOU want to do. Don't let anything or anyone stop you - not even yourself!