A Story That Has No End
When I decided I needed a change in my life 5+ years ago I had no idea that the decision would have no end and that it would become a part of who I am. You see I use to be a yo-yo dieter. I use to go to the gym for a few months, reach a goal and then revert back to old habits just to gain weight again. It just seemed to work with my life (or so I had thought). I would allow myself to get up to a certain weight just to turn around and take it off again...but it was the only thing I knew. It was a diet. I didn't know any other way of living and honestly, it sucked so much.
A little over 5 years ago, I reached my heaviest. I had been in the midst of my masters in chemistry, stressed, drinking, eating fast food and just had zero energy and completely drained. The simple tasks of walking up stairs tired me out. As I was coming towards the end of my masters I started feeling very sad inside. This should have been one of the happiest moment of my life reaching such a big accomplishment but instead I was miserable because I let myself go. My health was terrible and I was tired of how I looked and how I felt in clothes. The only thing I ever wanted to wear was pjs because they were most comfortable because jeans were something that I never wanted to think about. I wore a lot of stretchy clothing (or loose clothing) because I was that uncomfortable in my own skin.
I decided enough was enough and took baby steps towards a healthier life. And when I say baby steps I mean baby steps...I didn't just give up everything I loved and replace it with everything I hate. Not at all because I knew for me that wouldn't work. In that time, I also was getting out of a not so great relationship so working out helped with my frustrations. I just kept moving forward. Day in and day out I did things to help me out (even though I had my doubts and didn't believe in myself). I wasn't always perfect but I didn't give up. I stayed consistent. I didn't expect to see huge weight loss within weeks (let's start being realistic about weight loss, okay?)...I spent years putting the weight on so I knew it wasn't realistic to want it off within weeks. I set myself a HUGE goal. I wanted to lose 50 lbs. It was my biggest goal I ever set myself. Previous goals were 10 or maybe 20 lbs but never more than that...those goals were easier to reach and that meant I would just go back to old habits. But this time I wanted a lot of weight off me. I really believe that initial goal is what made this a lifestyle for me. I was going to reach the goal no matter what and that's what I did a year ago (it took over 4 years to lose that 50 lbs). So what took so long? I had tried to outwork a piss poor diet. I didn't eat the best for years and I didn't know anything about portion sizes. I only started eating well in the last year when I was introduced to Beachbody and was shown what types of foods to eat as well as proper portion sizes (Boy! Was I ever wrong before). I started with Beachbody because I had been stuck and just couldn't drop the remaining weight but once I started with Beachbody that weight came off fairly quickly because I was doing things properly (working out and eating well not just one or the other).
But right after I reached that goal I continued to make new goals. Because of Beachbody I was surrounded with like minded ladies who also living the healthy life and was always making new goals for themselves (something I hadn't thought of in the past...turns out healthy fit people are always making new goals for themselves). I continued to try new workout programs and continued to find myself. This last year I would argue is my biggest transformation. It's the transformation from within. It's finding out who I am because I was lost for so many years...and I was lost because of all the weight I had gained. I had stopped doing things I loved. I did the minimum and put everything else on hold...but what I didn't realize is that I had lost myself over the years.
You see, a girl with a smile doesn't always mean she is happy. But losing weight doesn't necessarily make someone happy either...even though so many people think that. I will tell you that being the best version of me does make me happy. Being a support system for other ladies struggling to lose weight makes me happy. And doing all the things I love again makes me happy.
I wear my heart on my sleeve so it's super easy to tell when I am happy/sad/cranky (you get the point). Sometimes I wish I could hide that emotion but then I realize I don't want to hide it. It's okay to show all the emotions no matter what society or other people think is "right". People don't have to be super happy all the time - in fact, that would be weird if everyone was happy 24/7. And those emotions can be strong on this journey...it's just part of it that I have learned to accept and am learning to deal with.
Celebrate all your successes in your journey. Celebrate getting back on track. And celebrate losing 1 lb...many people get upset about gaining 1 lb but when they lose 1 lb they tend to think of it as "I've only lost 1 lb". No "HELLO" you have lost 1 lb and that is a BIG deal. Celebrate when you can fit into an old pair of pants. And celebrate when you choose carrots instead of carrot cake (YEAH! If you are anything like me that's a huge celebration right there - I have a big old sweet tooth). It's the celebration during the journey that is important not the celebration at the destination. My story is mine and only mine but you can start writing yours too. I keep moving forward even with the daily setbacks I have had (and continue to have). I just don't give up and I try new things so I don't get bored - that my friends is the secret. Write a story you are proud to share so you can help others overcome their struggled too. We are all in this together. <3
